Long time, no blather

It's been nearly a year since my last post. I know that diabetes and everything else in life that pisses me off hasn't taken a break for a year, so I don't know why I have. One (sort of nice) reason is that I've discovered so many blogs by brilliant diabetics who are on the razor's edge of the sugar-free zeitgeist, but that's a cop-out. I've just been, if not lazy, prioritizing differently. I guess I'm kind of glad I didn't share with anyone that I was writing this, and I love my anonymity (a treasure in decreasing supply online) but that also meant no accountability. I got to not post, and everyone else got to not know. I can't promise I'm sharing this any time soon, though, so maybe it'll go on this way until... I don't know what.

What prompts me to be here now, other than following all the other blogs I do on this site, is that I just spilled my guts elsewhere in cyberspace in the hopes of making my life better, finding my goals and putting them into service. So I'm in the mood to confess.

What's new in my diabetes this year? It's fallen to shit due to stress in my life that I've let take over. I've now placed a moratorium on holding others' sweaty hands through all their bullshit, and put my own bullshit first, but what that's going to mean in practice is reduction, not abolition. Saying no as just that, "no" is so much harder for me than I would think or like. Not only that, it's so fucking hard for me NOT to open my fat mouth and offer to help. Goddess bless those of you who don't take me up on that shit. Also, I hate being in my early thirties and having every last motherfucker I know getting married this year. Buying presents, going to the damn things, it's unreal how much of my time is getting sucked into that vortex, though as of now, I'm still choosing it. This also means that my diet has gone to shit and my workouts have followed suit. Basically what I'm trying to say here is, I'm pathetic, I get it, and I know it's all me, so don't feel sorry for me, just see that I'm being honest.

There are about five million topics specifically salient to diabetes that I have in my head, but for now, I'm just going to leave it here. Depression plays a role, too, a big one, and I guess this is most of what this post is about. So for a few moments we've sidetracked into another of my chronic problems, and we'll return to our regularly scheduled programming, well, whenever the fuck I feel like it. Probably before next year, though.